Anxiety and How it Likes to Party

                                    

Yeah that prick is in my life as well people!  Although anxiety is not as needy as depression is, sometimes the two get together and have epic parties, I'm talking about cocaine drenched start in Jersey and end up in Bangkok wearing manic makeup with a full length sleeve tattoo kind of parties.

While the two are having the time of their lives I 'm usually curled up in bed with no energy or motivation to do anything and a racing anxiety filled heart with all of my responsibilities running through my head, sounds like a ton of fun huh?!

If you raised your hand to the picture at the top of the page then you already know what I am talking about and as I have mentioned before, you are not alone!  Anxiety likes to show up unannounced  which can be really freaking frustrating.  I can be having an awesome day and then bam! with no rhyme or reason this jerk shows up wanting to have some fun.

Seriously though, there are times when I can clearly identify the trigger to my anxiety, but there are other times when I cannot think of one damn reason why I feel a knot in the pit of my stomach and my heart begins to race.  These are the really frustrating episodes because in my mind there is no rationale for the event.

Now just like with our friend depression let's take a look at exactly how present Anxiety is in America.

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America

• Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 or older or 18.1% of the population every year

And according to the National Institute of Mental Health

• An estimated 19.1% of U.S. adults had any anxiety disorder in the past year

So you see, there are a lot of people going through it with us! Now when this bad boy shows up what exactly do I do about it?  There are a number of things that I have found have been helpful for me.

• Deep breathing...I know total cliche!  But hey that shit works man, of course I had to learn that deep breathing does not take the anxiety away (now that I think about it none of the coping skills that I use get rid of anxiety) it serves to reduce the intensity of the anxiety that I am feeling in the moment.  So I breathe, I breathe deep and will usually count down from ten about three or four times
• This also allows me to pause and remind myself that I am in a safe space and that what I am experiencing is a temporary symptom that will fade away.

• Meditation...again cliché I know but this has been extremely helpful for me.  Of course there is something really Zen about shutting out the external world and being in a peaceful space with  yourself, but honestly there is also something very spiritual about it for me.  When I meditate I know that I am making a connection with a higher power. Of course I am by no means preaching here and suggesting that meditation should manifest the exact same way in your life, but I am sure that it can be very helpful to you.

• Exercise...Ok once I decide to get my lazy ass off the freaking couch I discovered the beauty of exercising.  So yeah...all that stuff they say about exercise increasing energy and pheromones and well you just generally being good for you...well it's true people! Once you get those shoes on and get in a work out you will walk away saying why didn't I do this before???  But you gotta get up and get out first!!                                 

• Writing...I definitely have a creative streak in me and when I nurture that streak the world around me dissipates and I am left in divine space creating poems and stories.  It really becomes a mindful activity and a fulfilling one for me.  

I know that there is science behind all of the things that help me get through an anxiety or depression episode, but I am not going to cite them here at all...why??  Because honestly I did not sit down and research peer reviewed articles and mountains of scientific data to determine what I would do about it.  These were things that were already in the ether and I utilized trial and error to see what worked best for me.  So get up and get to work!  

Put your shoes on and go for a walk, write a poem, read a book, go for a jog, cook a meal, watch a funny movie, get to a church, go out with a close friend, give yourself an affirmation and say it every day, and the list goes on and on and on...just get up and do SOMETHING and remember that you deserve all of the wonderful things that life has to offer...yes YOU!!

So once again my friends I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and I am also here to tell you that there are tangible things that you can do to get yourself out of the funk that you are in!  

YOU HAVE THE POWER TO WORK YOURSELF OUT OF DARK SPACES AND INTO BEAUTIFUL SPACES FILLED WITH LOVE AND LIGHT

This is coming from a regular Joe that knows and understands what you are going through my friends.

The time has come once again to bid you all adieu my friends, as always, remember that there are millions in the ring fighting this good fight and hope springs eternal in each of our hearts!!!

Depression: I have it

A lot of people don't know this about me...in fact I would bet that most people in my life, including those that are very close to me don't know this (or maybe they do and don't say anything!).  To date I have told my wife and a few friends.  

So why do I hide this? For people that suffer from mental health problems, revealing those problems puts them in a very vulnerable space.  Not because there is anything wrong with having a mental health problem but because we know that there may be judgment attached to the revelation of a mental health problem.

For me, well, I was always afraid that I would be perceived as weak, incompetent invaluable.  I knew that I did not want people to pity me and I did not want to become a burden to my close friends and family. So I became an expert at hiding it...I mean PHD level!

I learned how to do this in my home, in fact growing up in my household forced me to become ridiculously good at hiding many things about me, this was the result of extremely religious parents with incredibly unrealistic expectations about how their son should lead his life.  

Comedy became my thing, I knew that making people laugh would do two very powerful things for me, it would allow me to bring joy to people and therefore make me feel good about myself and it would throw the hounds off the scent.  People would not suspect my depression if their attention was devoted to laughing.  

Well as we all know, hiding something like depression can only go on for so long before that inner genuine person starts breaking out from within and showing up in our lives in powerful ways and that process is seldom pretty let me tell you!

And so here I am, going through it and ready to come out to the world with this wonderful news!  It occurred to me that if the people around me don't know that I go through this because I have become a savage at hiding it, then there are many like me and many like you surrounding me!  

If you are the depressed one, I want you to know that you are not alone.  If you are not the depressed one then chances are at least one person in your life is living with depression and once again you are not alone.  Alas this post is not really for those fortunate ones living a life free from this energy sucking monster, I applaud and salute you, really I do and maybe one day I will join your ranks but for now I speak to my brothers and sisters that are just going through it!

Let's get one thing straight, I am not the world leading expert on depression, I am only an expert on me and how depression makes itself at home in my life and for the time being how it refuses to be evicted.  This is the portrait I wish to paint, the nuances of depression in my life, the effects it has on my work life, my social life and my marriage, after all in my opinion it exists on a spectrum with some of us going through a "lighter" depression and some of us staying in bed for weeks with no light, food or showers for days.  

Now I am going to throw some general statistics about depression in America your way, don't worry, I am not a statistical guru, nor am I interested in bogging anyone down with too much statistical jargon, all I want to do is shed some light on the prevalence of depression in America, which you may or may not already know.

Ok so here we go this first doozy is from the Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA)
https://adaa.org

• Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) is the leading cause of disability in the U.S. for ages 15 to 44.3 (gotta love that 44.3! I guess after that I'll have something to look forward to!)

• MDD affects more than 16.1 million American adults, or about 6.7% of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.

Now Let's look at what the National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH) has to say!
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/major-depression.shtml#part_155030

• An estimated 17.3 million adults in the United States had at least one major depressive episode.  This number represented 7.1% of all U.S. adults. (This was in 2017)
• The prevalence of major depressive episode was higher among adult females (8.7%) compared to males (5.3%)

SO YOU SEE WE ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS CRAP!

I want you to get that "I am alone in this" dialogue out of your head, I want you to kick that lonely feeling to the curb (as best you can because I know that it is tough!) and know that at the very least 

I AM WITH YOU! 

From the shoes on my feet to the top of my dome I am with you, in your happiest moments and darkest days I am with you, when you are super productive and then miss a week of work I am with you and so are millions of Americans according to the aforementioned stats, so you are not alone!

 As I bid you adieu for the time being remember that there are millions in the ring fighting this fight and hope springs eternal in each of our hearts!

Till the next episode stay strong my friends!!!

About Me & This Blog

Smiles in life
are like water for plants!

Hi and welcome to my blog!

Hey thank you for checking out my blog!  My name is Orlando and I am just some dude who has had life experiences, you know the kind that some people may not want to talk about, and wants to share them in the hopes that people will connect with them!

I am a combat veteran, social worker, freemason, husband, son, brother, writer, actor, joke teller Latino and the list goes on and on.

Also like most people in the world there is more than one version of me, I have my public persona, the one that I share with people in social settings at work, church etc. and then there is me when I get home and close the door to the world.  This is the me that you should be most intrigued by, and I in turn am always intrigued by that version of you!

It is when that door closes that the complexities of human life and existing as a human being on this planet come gushing out and usually in modern art image smashing collage kind of ways...you know...hard to understand.

I struggle, and I mean I struggle a lot, I struggle with depression and anxiety, yeah that's right, the "I don't want to get out of bed and do anything" kind and other stuff too.  I struggle with a low self-esteem and I am constantly trying to figure this thing called life out and whether I am good at it or not.  I mean, am I where I am supposed to be at this age? Should I be making more money? Am I happy? Am I really pursuing my dreams?  Why am I even on this planet to begin with? And the beat goes on!

I also thrive!  I have a "way with people" I have been told.  I can make people smile and laugh pretty easily and I am proud of that.  I can lend a listening ear and offer soothing words.   I also have great hair.  My sister once said, "you have a way of taking people's energy, magnifying it and giving it back to them," so I guess I can do that too!

My beautiful wife always tells me (and with honest conviction) "You can achieve whatever you want to achieve in life," Sounds cliché I know, but when the person telling you is someone who knows you like no other person on earth it makes it real people.

So back to the original question...why this blog???

More than anything, I want you to know that you are not alone!!!

So join me as I share myself with the world, let's laugh and cry.  Let's debate and yell and finish the night off with a beer, glass of wine or whatever your favorite spirit is, let's gossip and tell secrets, but more than anything 

let's connect!