Depression: I have it

A lot of people don't know this about me...in fact I would bet that most people in my life, including those that are very close to me don't know this (or maybe they do and don't say anything!).  To date I have told my wife and a few friends.  

So why do I hide this? For people that suffer from mental health problems, revealing those problems puts them in a very vulnerable space.  Not because there is anything wrong with having a mental health problem but because we know that there may be judgment attached to the revelation of a mental health problem.

For me, well, I was always afraid that I would be perceived as weak, incompetent invaluable.  I knew that I did not want people to pity me and I did not want to become a burden to my close friends and family. So I became an expert at hiding it...I mean PHD level!

I learned how to do this in my home, in fact growing up in my household forced me to become ridiculously good at hiding many things about me, this was the result of extremely religious parents with incredibly unrealistic expectations about how their son should lead his life.  

Comedy became my thing, I knew that making people laugh would do two very powerful things for me, it would allow me to bring joy to people and therefore make me feel good about myself and it would throw the hounds off the scent.  People would not suspect my depression if their attention was devoted to laughing.  

Well as we all know, hiding something like depression can only go on for so long before that inner genuine person starts breaking out from within and showing up in our lives in powerful ways and that process is seldom pretty let me tell you!

And so here I am, going through it and ready to come out to the world with this wonderful news!  It occurred to me that if the people around me don't know that I go through this because I have become a savage at hiding it, then there are many like me and many like you surrounding me!  

If you are the depressed one, I want you to know that you are not alone.  If you are not the depressed one then chances are at least one person in your life is living with depression and once again you are not alone.  Alas this post is not really for those fortunate ones living a life free from this energy sucking monster, I applaud and salute you, really I do and maybe one day I will join your ranks but for now I speak to my brothers and sisters that are just going through it!

Let's get one thing straight, I am not the world leading expert on depression, I am only an expert on me and how depression makes itself at home in my life and for the time being how it refuses to be evicted.  This is the portrait I wish to paint, the nuances of depression in my life, the effects it has on my work life, my social life and my marriage, after all in my opinion it exists on a spectrum with some of us going through a "lighter" depression and some of us staying in bed for weeks with no light, food or showers for days.  

Now I am going to throw some general statistics about depression in America your way, don't worry, I am not a statistical guru, nor am I interested in bogging anyone down with too much statistical jargon, all I want to do is shed some light on the prevalence of depression in America, which you may or may not already know.

Ok so here we go this first doozy is from the Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA)
https://adaa.org

• Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) is the leading cause of disability in the U.S. for ages 15 to 44.3 (gotta love that 44.3! I guess after that I'll have something to look forward to!)

• MDD affects more than 16.1 million American adults, or about 6.7% of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.

Now Let's look at what the National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH) has to say!
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/major-depression.shtml#part_155030

• An estimated 17.3 million adults in the United States had at least one major depressive episode.  This number represented 7.1% of all U.S. adults. (This was in 2017)
• The prevalence of major depressive episode was higher among adult females (8.7%) compared to males (5.3%)

SO YOU SEE WE ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS CRAP!

I want you to get that "I am alone in this" dialogue out of your head, I want you to kick that lonely feeling to the curb (as best you can because I know that it is tough!) and know that at the very least 

I AM WITH YOU! 

From the shoes on my feet to the top of my dome I am with you, in your happiest moments and darkest days I am with you, when you are super productive and then miss a week of work I am with you and so are millions of Americans according to the aforementioned stats, so you are not alone!

 As I bid you adieu for the time being remember that there are millions in the ring fighting this fight and hope springs eternal in each of our hearts!

Till the next episode stay strong my friends!!!

About Me & This Blog

Smiles in life
are like water for plants!

Hi and welcome to my blog!

Hey thank you for checking out my blog!  My name is Orlando and I am just some dude who has had life experiences, you know the kind that some people may not want to talk about, and wants to share them in the hopes that people will connect with them!

I am a combat veteran, social worker, freemason, husband, son, brother, writer, actor, joke teller Latino and the list goes on and on.

Also like most people in the world there is more than one version of me, I have my public persona, the one that I share with people in social settings at work, church etc. and then there is me when I get home and close the door to the world.  This is the me that you should be most intrigued by, and I in turn am always intrigued by that version of you!

It is when that door closes that the complexities of human life and existing as a human being on this planet come gushing out and usually in modern art image smashing collage kind of ways...you know...hard to understand.

I struggle, and I mean I struggle a lot, I struggle with depression and anxiety, yeah that's right, the "I don't want to get out of bed and do anything" kind and other stuff too.  I struggle with a low self-esteem and I am constantly trying to figure this thing called life out and whether I am good at it or not.  I mean, am I where I am supposed to be at this age? Should I be making more money? Am I happy? Am I really pursuing my dreams?  Why am I even on this planet to begin with? And the beat goes on!

I also thrive!  I have a "way with people" I have been told.  I can make people smile and laugh pretty easily and I am proud of that.  I can lend a listening ear and offer soothing words.   I also have great hair.  My sister once said, "you have a way of taking people's energy, magnifying it and giving it back to them," so I guess I can do that too!

My beautiful wife always tells me (and with honest conviction) "You can achieve whatever you want to achieve in life," Sounds cliché I know, but when the person telling you is someone who knows you like no other person on earth it makes it real people.

So back to the original question...why this blog???

More than anything, I want you to know that you are not alone!!!

So join me as I share myself with the world, let's laugh and cry.  Let's debate and yell and finish the night off with a beer, glass of wine or whatever your favorite spirit is, let's gossip and tell secrets, but more than anything 

let's connect!